Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey. Miraculously, a parking place appeared. Paddy looked up again and said, Never mind, I found one. Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, Do you want to go to heaven? The man said, I do Father. The priest said, Then stand over there against the wall. Then the priest asked the second man, Do you want to got to heaven? Certainly, Father, was the man's reply. Then stand over there against the wall, said the priest. Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, Do you want to go to heaven? O'Toole said, No, I don't Father. The priest said, I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven? O'Toole said, Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now. Paddy was in New York He was patiently waiting, and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, Okay pedestrians. Then he'd allow the traffic to pass. He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk. After the cop had shouted Pedestrians for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across? Paddy opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend Finney. Did you see the paper? asked Paddy. They say I died!! Yes, I saw it! replied Finney.. Where are ye callin' from? Walking into the bar, O'Toole said to Mike the bartender, Pour me a stiff one I just had another fight with the little woman. Oh yeah? said Mike. How did this one end? When it was over, O'Toole replied, she came to me on her hands and knees. Really, said Mike, now that's a switch! What did she say? She said, Come out from under the bed, you little coward!!.