Some of the Odd Things Each Think About the Other
 About Democrats 20 Ways to Be a Good Democrat |
 About Republicans 20 Ways to Be a Good Republican |
01. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding. |
01. Stand Tall for America means firing workers and moving their jobs to India. |
02. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th-graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex. |
02. You have to believe that the public has a right to know about the adulterous affairs of Democrats, while those of Republicans are a private matter. |
03. You believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese and North Korean communists. |
03. You believe that government should restrict itself to just the powers named in the Constitution, except for wanting to ban gay marriages and or censoring the Internet. |
04. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal. |
04. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you are millionaire conservative radio jock, which makes it an illness and needs our prayers for his recovery. |
05. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Gen. Robert E. Lee, and Thomas Edison. |
05. You have to believe that a woman cannot be trusted with decisions about her body, but large multi-national corporations can make decisions for all mankind with no regulation. |
06. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution. |
06. You have to believe that providing health care to all Iraqis is sound government policy but providing health care to all Americans is socialism personified. |
07. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUV's. |
07. You have to believe that government should stay out of people's lives but it needs to punish anyone caught having private sex with the wrong gender. |
08. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge. |
08. You have to believe it is wise to keep condoms out of schools, because we all know if teenagers don't have condoms they won't have sex. |
09. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and a sex offender belonged in the White House. |
09. You have to believe that trade with Cuba is wrong because it is communist, but trading with China and Vietnam is just dandy. |
10. You have to believe that the illegal Democratic Party funding by the Chinese government was somehow in the best interest to the United States. |
10. You believe that group sex and drug use are degenerate sins that can only be purged by running for governor of California as a Republican. |
11. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do. |
11. You believe that tobacco's link to cancer and global warming are 'junk science' but Creationism should be taught in schools. |
12. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not. |
12. You have to believe that waging war with no exit strategy was wrong in Vietnam but right in Iraq. |
13. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand. |
13. You have to believe in prayer in schools, as long as you don't pray to Allah or Buddha. |
14. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity. |
14. You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success all on their own. |
15. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it. |
15. You hate the ALCU for representing convicted felons, but they owed it to the country to bail out Oliver North. |
16. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural. |
16. You have to believe that air and water pollution is ok, so long as the company makes a profit. |
17. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding. |
17. You believe in state rights, until they approved Gay Marriage. |
18. You have to believe that the United States military, not foreign dictators start wars. |
18. You have to believe in praising the troops overseas while cutting their benefits. |
19. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high. |
19. You have to believe that the way to fight terrorism is to alienate our allies. |
20. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, right wing conspiracy. |
20. You have to believe Jesus loves you, and he shares your hatred of liberals. |
